Woke up this morning with the feeling of 'alhamdulillah I'm already in second day of being 22. But that's it.
I remember yesterday. Yesterday was my 22nd birthday date. I woke up happily. I'm 22! Thats what I thought I was thinking (okay, even me myself couldn't make sense with this choice of words). The day went well, a dear friend buy me a cup of literally large coffee. She took the largest option. And one other dear friend bought me pizza. I love eatable present. But to be honest, I just like presents. Haha.
Apart from that, the day went well, I went to hospital, meeting doctors, meeting patients, meeting friends, learn things, see things etc., read things, study group. Usual stuff that I do as daily routine of medical student. And these make me realised, it doesn't matter how old I am, when is my birthday.
I mean, it is just another day that I'm turning older. Why would I feel special? Have I save the world? Have I influence people? Have I ever did anything important, at all?
Then I realised 22 is simply number that sometimes I don't felt like I deserve at all. Tak rasa macam diri dah matang sangat daripada 5 tahun lepas. Betul, usia bukan lambang kematangan. Tapi I always hold on to this one believe, "Usia meniti kematangan hidup kita" maksudnya, tahap kematangan kita mungkin tak sama level dengan orang lain yang sebaya kita, mungkin lebih matang, mungkin kurang matang, tapi penting untuk jadi lebih matang daripada kita dua hari lepas. Pilihan kita sepatutnya jadi berbeza, especially on why we choose this one option instead of the others. Penilaian kita lebih berbeza. We are more esposed to things in life. We add on more experiences to teach us in life.
Usia 22 tahun tapi masih merengek bila Allah bagi ujian.
Usia 22 tahun tapi masih terlalu mengharap pada orang lain.
Usia 22 tahun tapi masih tak mahu rasa ada tanggungjawab.
Usia 22 tahun tapi berperangai macam budak 17 tahun.
Orang lain sebelum umur 22 dah berbakti terlalu banyak terhadap masyarakat sedangkan diri masih terasa di takuk lama.
I cam across to this one book last week and yes, I just without thinking for too long, I just grab and pay for it titled 'Speeches That Changes the World'. I read few already and it really does makes me feel if only I can become that influential, that I can take together the whole world with me to think and to act to turn earth to become better place.
Long way to go. Possible, or impossible, I don't know. I have a dream. Or I might take one step down and do something more practical :)
Dan it is interesting when I think it back, berapa kerap I ever think about death before reaching age 22. Allah dah bagi peluang hidup selama 21 tahun, tapi boleh jadi je harini kita dah tak ada. There was one day, few days back all of a sudden this one thought struck my head so badly.
"Agak-agak sempat tak aku nak berusia 22 tahun atau adakah aku akan end up meninggal dunia on the same date I was born? Would I joining my lovely grandpa soon?"
That makes me shivering. Lagi- lagi bila terasa macam we are not in our best shape lately. We are not the best 'abid that we should be. We are not on top of our faith lately. How?
Macam mana kalau hari kita meninggal tu kita tengah buat maksiat. How I wish I will go in the state of 'husnul khatimah'. Pernah tak baca tentang bila seseorang tu pergi, post Facebook dia, kata-kata dia sebelum dia meninggal buat orang lain tersentuh? Dan kita akan terasa yang kita nak the same exact thing. Tapi kita fikir balik, layak tak?
We can try, never lose hope. Have faith in Allah.
Oh how I wish by 22, I have done at least a little good deed or bring people on doing good deeds.
But I have not done much.
Allah gave me chance.
Allah gave me chances untuk berubah, to be a better version of me. To become a better muslim.
Allah gave me chances to work more for Islam.
Allah gave me chances to play part to change the world to a better version.
Allah gave me chances, of which I should take. Or otherwise I might simply waste another day of my life.
What a waste. It will be another 24 hours that I won't get back.
That, maybe a stepping stone to change.
For you my dear friends, don't wait too long.
Don't.
Seeru 'ala barakatillah
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