"You are a coward. Don't you think so?"
It was during our ward round with Prof, the consultant of the team.
Very popular Prof in that hospital.
That time it was ward round without our MOs and Reg, just Prof and us, the HOs, and quite often it occurs.
With this team, you have to know your case, and even all the cases in the ward, by heart, in and out, or else, you get bamboo-ed or worse, kick out from the round.
Well pretty much happened to most HOs anyway, but most of us not actually taking those personally as they were literally our fault in the first place.
It was interesting when she said I'm a coward.
Because it is a fact.
What happened really?
So my examinations findings are different of the MOs who review the patient during our AM round.
Although my findings pretty much consistent with the on call specialist who did on call round the previous night.
So that the diagnosis changed many times.
And Prof came, examine the patient herself.
Which the same to mine.
She got angry, asking why we, the HOs never argue with our MOs and never actually questioned our MOs decision or plan and management.
"Your MO bukan Tuhan, your Specialist bukan Tuhan, I bukan Tuhan.
If you all rasa you disagree, you argue lah!
Tapi kena lah ada ilmu!
Ni memang lah tak tahu apa yang you tak tahu, baca pun tak!
Useless generation."
Yes, scolded.
ON POINT.
What can we say when she say everything in exact?
Yes, we just accept.
"Ni lah dia, coward."
...........
"We as good muslim, our job is to do the right things, and to stop the wrong things. But you don't even correct what is wrong. Bawa yang betul, hentikan benda yang salah"
..........
"But you coward, you tak bother nak betulkan apa yang salah."
Okay, actually these are only part of those times.
I can write a whole book for that ward round session alone, except that would definitely go against patients' confidentiality, which was easily forgotten by the young doctors these days.
Yes, amar makruf nahi mungkar as we know it.
We know it, we act upon it, we teach others.
Thats really the principe of continuous learning. But do we actually do it?
When we don't even give any effort to seek knowledge.
Sekadar membaca Paeds Protocol without deeper understanding, just because we are not interested.
Well, at least that's how I'm describing myself.
But when she put it that way, I realise something.
Kononnya nak pasang niat, this job is Ibadah.
But then, looking at this, terfikir juga.
How exactly it is an ibadah, when you don't exactly know what you are doing, and why you doing those.
Jadi pak turut.
Ikut mana ada.
Kalau betul, okay. Kalau salah, prepare kena marah.
The irony is real.
Afraid to go to work everyday because you realise so many things you don't know, but again, didn't even try to know.
It is an action of a coward.
Eh dah nak MO kot.
Takkan tak sedar diri lagi.
Macam tak ada hak nak complain.
Why?
Because do you even really doing fair to other people, to your young patients.
"Ilmu pelita menerangi kegelapan
Darilah ilmu datanglah amalan
Dari amalan, lahir lah kasih sayang
Saling membantu dan berkerja sama
Rezeki yang ada dihulur kan lah derma.
Terjamin hidup harmoni bahagia"
Macam lagu Raihan, ilmu yang dituntut jadi sumber cahaya to our empathy to people, our determination and will to help the sick, and those in need.
Tanpa ilmu, we are nothing really.
Same goes to when we want to, you know, to 'dakwah' people, the beauty of our religion.
Kena ada ilmu yang betul yang menzahirkan amalan muslim yang sebenar, yang menjadikan kita seorang yang kasih sesama mahkluk.
"Fill the world with colour paint it everywhere you go,
Paint everything you see, and tell everyone you know,
Quran will your pain, and your brush will be Iman,
So fill the world with colour, every colour of Islam."
I guess Dawud Wharnsby Ali state it in beautiful way.
So, for the first step.
Seek knowledge.
Understand, not simply memorise.
And realise, we have so many things that we don't know, and to not learn is we being so sombong to ourself.
Macam ni ha Amir Jahari cakap.
"Aku hanya manusia biasa,
Aku hanya manusia yang hina,
Bukan aku yang mengubah semua,
Ternyata Kau memegang segalanya.
Dia Yang Maha Kuasa,
Dia umpama segala galanya,
Masih aku tidak mengerti,
Apa itu dunia sejati"
Dah, its time to stop being coward.
It was during our ward round with Prof, the consultant of the team.
Very popular Prof in that hospital.
That time it was ward round without our MOs and Reg, just Prof and us, the HOs, and quite often it occurs.
With this team, you have to know your case, and even all the cases in the ward, by heart, in and out, or else, you get bamboo-ed or worse, kick out from the round.
Well pretty much happened to most HOs anyway, but most of us not actually taking those personally as they were literally our fault in the first place.
It was interesting when she said I'm a coward.
Because it is a fact.
What happened really?
So my examinations findings are different of the MOs who review the patient during our AM round.
Although my findings pretty much consistent with the on call specialist who did on call round the previous night.
So that the diagnosis changed many times.
And Prof came, examine the patient herself.
Which the same to mine.
She got angry, asking why we, the HOs never argue with our MOs and never actually questioned our MOs decision or plan and management.
"Your MO bukan Tuhan, your Specialist bukan Tuhan, I bukan Tuhan.
If you all rasa you disagree, you argue lah!
Tapi kena lah ada ilmu!
Ni memang lah tak tahu apa yang you tak tahu, baca pun tak!
Useless generation."
Yes, scolded.
ON POINT.
What can we say when she say everything in exact?
Yes, we just accept.
"Ni lah dia, coward."
...........
"We as good muslim, our job is to do the right things, and to stop the wrong things. But you don't even correct what is wrong. Bawa yang betul, hentikan benda yang salah"
..........
"But you coward, you tak bother nak betulkan apa yang salah."
Okay, actually these are only part of those times.
I can write a whole book for that ward round session alone, except that would definitely go against patients' confidentiality, which was easily forgotten by the young doctors these days.
Yes, amar makruf nahi mungkar as we know it.
We know it, we act upon it, we teach others.
Thats really the principe of continuous learning. But do we actually do it?
When we don't even give any effort to seek knowledge.
Sekadar membaca Paeds Protocol without deeper understanding, just because we are not interested.
Well, at least that's how I'm describing myself.
But when she put it that way, I realise something.
Kononnya nak pasang niat, this job is Ibadah.
But then, looking at this, terfikir juga.
How exactly it is an ibadah, when you don't exactly know what you are doing, and why you doing those.
Jadi pak turut.
Ikut mana ada.
Kalau betul, okay. Kalau salah, prepare kena marah.
The irony is real.
Afraid to go to work everyday because you realise so many things you don't know, but again, didn't even try to know.
It is an action of a coward.
Eh dah nak MO kot.
Takkan tak sedar diri lagi.
Macam tak ada hak nak complain.
Why?
Because do you even really doing fair to other people, to your young patients.
"Ilmu pelita menerangi kegelapan
Darilah ilmu datanglah amalan
Dari amalan, lahir lah kasih sayang
Saling membantu dan berkerja sama
Rezeki yang ada dihulur kan lah derma.
Terjamin hidup harmoni bahagia"
Macam lagu Raihan, ilmu yang dituntut jadi sumber cahaya to our empathy to people, our determination and will to help the sick, and those in need.
Tanpa ilmu, we are nothing really.
Same goes to when we want to, you know, to 'dakwah' people, the beauty of our religion.
Kena ada ilmu yang betul yang menzahirkan amalan muslim yang sebenar, yang menjadikan kita seorang yang kasih sesama mahkluk.
"Fill the world with colour paint it everywhere you go,
Paint everything you see, and tell everyone you know,
Quran will your pain, and your brush will be Iman,
So fill the world with colour, every colour of Islam."
I guess Dawud Wharnsby Ali state it in beautiful way.
So, for the first step.
Seek knowledge.
Understand, not simply memorise.
And realise, we have so many things that we don't know, and to not learn is we being so sombong to ourself.
Macam ni ha Amir Jahari cakap.
"Aku hanya manusia biasa,
Aku hanya manusia yang hina,
Bukan aku yang mengubah semua,
Ternyata Kau memegang segalanya.
Dia Yang Maha Kuasa,
Dia umpama segala galanya,
Masih aku tidak mengerti,
Apa itu dunia sejati"
Dah, its time to stop being coward.
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